Be Kind to Yourself

You are coming to the home stretch of the fall term at university, and just as the leaves are falling and the snow flies, you have likely experienced many changes as well. You have now attended almost a term of online classes, contributed to countless discussion posts, read hundreds of pages in textbooks, and completed many essays and assignments.

Experiencing changes to learning and socializing because of COVID-19 will create additional challenges this year. When faced with struggles, it is natural to get overwhelmed, focus on the negatives, and perhaps even be critical of yourself for not meeting your expectations.

Check out some strategies we've compiled to help the process of adjusting and adapting to this different university life while building your own set of personal strengths.

Offer Compassion to Yourself

Self-compassion is the act of offering yourself the same kindness and understanding that you would to someone whom you care about.

Offering compassion to yourself allows you to acknowledge difficulties: it’s hard to meet people; while at the same time figuring out what you need to handle a situation: I could talk to my residence Don about ways to connect with others. In this way self-compassion is both validating and motivating.

Be Expectationless

When you thought about coming (or returning) to Laurier this year, what did you imagine?

The pandemic has brought unexpected changes to learning and living on and off campus. Some of these changes were planned ahead of time, like taking classes remotely, but others were not, such as feeling overwhelmed with the workload or dismayed by how few people you encounter on campus or in Waterloo. You may also be experiencing additional changes unrelated to the pandemic, such as discovering new areas of academic interest or changes in friendships.

Some of the changes you will face will be things that didn’t happen at all but were supposed to: for example, if you are a varsity athlete you likely expected that you would play for the university team this year. The pandemic adds further losses, such as expecting to be able to study at the library, meet with your professor for help in person during office hours, or for some of the COVID-19 restrictions to be lifted.

Many students have an idea of what their university experiences should be, and when it does not meet those expectations, it can negatively impact mood and performance. Why is this? When faced with a challenge, it is natural for most people to resist what is happening and focus on what they had expected it to be. This can increase feelings of frustration, sadness, disappointment, and anxiety. If this resistance is combined with self-criticism, it will intensify into shame and depression. Consider the equation:

suffering = pain x resistance

Use Self-Compassion and Acceptance to Improve Your Experience

The above equation illustrates how resistance intensifies our experience of suffering; however, a new equation could be developed:

suffering = (pain x resistance) ÷ (compassion x acceptance)

While this equation may not be mathematically sound, it is psychologically. It highlights how you can reduce the amount of emotional pain you’re experiencing with the practice of acceptance and self-compassion.

Imagine that you expected to live with friends in Waterloo this year, but instead you are living at home because of remote learning. The first step would be to acknowledge your feelings (disappointment, relief, loneliness, etc.) with kindness and compassion, and work on accepting the reality of the situation. The final step might be to identify what you need to cope with this reality, such as connecting with a counsellor virtually through the Student Wellness Centre or joining virtual campus clubs through the Students' Union to meet new people.

Develop Personal Strengths and Competencies

During your time at Laurier, you will develop new competencies and skills. There are a wide range of competencies which are practised at this time, such as:

• Learning how to manage living away from home (managing time and finances, booking appointments, making meals, etc.).
• Learning how to handle your emotional reactions to various situations (maintaining a long-distance romantic relationship, dealing with a challenging course, or tolerating an annoying roommate).
• Discovering more about your identity and about what you stand for, care about, and value.

It takes time to go through this process, and it’s easy to get discouraged by how long it actually takes. Many students find themselves wishing that the skills could be developed faster, more completely, or that they can know themselves more fully and authentically. This again sounds a bit like that dreaded experience of resistance. Instead, offer yourself compassion by mindfully recognizing the number of changes you are experiencing, observing that other students are challenged in similar ways, and by acknowledging the strengths you already have. This will help give yourself patience and time to flourish in university.

Rely on Your Laurier Support System

Check out the Remote Learning Hub for more information on Laurier's support system in the remote learning environment.

Wellness Support

The Student Wellness Centre is here for you, if you need support.

You can learn more about self-compassion by visiting self-compassion.org or getting the book, The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook (2018) by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer.

Social Support

For more information about how to meet people and get involved, check out student clubs and associations.

Academic Support

If you need more academic support, contact Writing Services or Study Skills and Course Support.

If you are living away from Brantford or Waterloo this year, have a look at our Remote Resources page. 

Written by Carrie Pollard, MSW RSW and Heather Landells, MSW RSW, Counsellors at the Student Wellness Centre.

Source: The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook (2018) by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer.