Ideas for Surviving at Home With Your Family

By Heather Landells, MSW, RSW
June 17, 2020

We have heard time and time again that we are living in the strangest times that most have us have ever faced.  Most students’ lives have changed in many ways, but one of the most impactful is moving back to the family home.  It is difficult for families to navigate working together when it’s been months or years since they have all lived together under the same roof.  This stress is increased by the uncertainty of not knowing how long it will be before we can get back to the way we used to live. 
The usual strategies to manage family tensions (like spending time with friends or studying at the library or coffee shop) cannot be practiced in the way they used to be, even with restrictions loosening. Here are some strategies to consider as you spend an extended period of time with family members:

• Try to address what makes you upset about a family member calmly, at a time when you are not highly reactive.  Try to look for a win-win outcome.  It can help to actively look for the positive things about the person who is annoying you rather than over-focusing on their negative characteristics.
• Be proactive whenever possible about expressing your needs or concerns and be prepared to compromise.  It’s not only important that other family members know where you are coming from but also that show you are trying to understand their needs.  Talk about the use of space in the family home and consider looking at a schedule to address the different needs of different people for space and privacy.
• When conflict happens, watch your words because you can’t take them back. Work to learn all the facts about a situation before jumping to conclusions; take some deep breaths and try to be as calm as possible.  Use I statements to express your feelings about a family member’s behaviour (I find it distracting when you are talking loudly on your conference calls) rather than accusations.
• When you are working out differences with your family, pick a time that works for everyone when everyone is feeling calm and rested.  Be sensitive to the way others prefer to handle conflict and be aware of how that may be different than your style.
• Watch your body language:  uncrossed your arms and direct your body towards the person you are talking to.
• While you might disagree with your family members about some issues, work to find common ground.  Consider what you do agree with them about and work from there.
• Be curious to understand what your family member is trying to express.  Spend energy trying to understand what they are saying when they are talking instead of planning how you will further your own point.  Make sure you are listening when it’s your turn to listen.

Remember that the Student Wellness Centre is open over the summer, and it’s possible to schedule a remote appointment with a counsellor when you are feeling overwhelmed by moving back home or to get support for anything else you need to address.  Good luck with your family discussions!