5Ds: Direct, Delegate, Delay, Distract and Document

You can make a choice to actively and visibly support trans and non-binary people to safely accessing the bathroom that fits their identity and comfort.

The Five D’s of Bystander Intervention are tools you can use to support someone who’s being harmed.

The 5D’s

Regardless of how you choose to intervene, you should always stay with the person harmed until they are safe and let them know about their options for accessing support or bringing forward a complaint.

Direct

Directly intervene in a situation. Speak up about the harm. Be firm and clear.

Example: “Hey, I overheard your conversation. It sounds like you are feeling worried or scared about someone using the ‘wrong bathroom.’ I thought it might be helpful for you to know that the university has made it clear that everyone has the right to use the bathroom that fits their identity; the sign outside says so.”

Delegate

Get help from someone else. Scan the situation to assess risk and determine how to best intervene. Then, delegate tasks to others around you.

Example: If there are others around, suggest that someone support the person experiencing harm (e.g., assist in leaving the situation), while you try to de-escalate the situation and person causing harm.

Delay

After the incident is over, check in with the person who was harmed. This is essential because it shows the individual that they, and their gender identity, are valued. Delay also could mean continuing to educate ourselves and those around us about further steps to be in solidarity with the trans and non-binary community.

Example: Stick around and once it’s safe, let the impacted person know about options for reporting as well as supports and resources. You can also ask if they need anything or offer to walk them to a safer place. Please see the connected documents to learn more.

Distract

Take an indirect approach to de-escalate the situation. Distracting attention away from the person causing harm to give the person experiencing harm time to move away.

Example: Pretend to be lost and ask for directions to a building. Ask for the time. Pretend you know the person being harassed. Talk to them about something random and take attention away from the harasser. ‘Accidentally’ spill your drink or drop something that creates a distracting commotion.

Document

If someone is already intervening and you believe the person causing harm behaviour is escalated, you can document the situation.

Example: Document the interaction by recording on your phone, taking a photo of the individual causing harm, or writing notes. Afterwards, ask the person who experienced harm what they would like to do with the documentation. Let them know that there are staff at Laurier who offer support and safety planning (svinfo@wlu.ca). Never post or share a video without the consent of the person being harmed. Putting a video (or even a picture) online can expose the person who was harmed to harassment, doxing (i.e. posting personal information online), or other continued harm – this is especially true among the trans and non-binary community. Posting may also trigger the involvement of law enforcement or institutional processes even when the person harmed doesn't want that.

Verbal De-Escalation Strategies

Sometimes these types of situations can escalate, and the person causing the harm might begin yelling or become physically aggressive. Try to remain calm and manage your own response when you witness someone escalating. These strategies can help to de-escalate or prevent further escalation from the person causing harm.

Approach from the Side

Do not approach an escalated person from behind, or get directly in their face, as this may escalate the situation. Stand to the side and leave space between you.

Saying "Stop"

You always have the right to say "stop," or "that is not okay." You could say, “I need you to stop speaking to them like that” or “the way you are speaking is making me uncomfortable/does not feel okay for me.”

Broken Record

Repeating the same statement until the person causing harm corrects their behaviour or exits the situation. For example, “the university believes that everyone has the right to use the washroom in accordance with their lived gender identity and/or gender expression. The sign outside says so.”

Naming the Behaviour

Address the specific behaviour that is harmful. Often, in the moment, a person causing harm might not be aware of how they are acting. Naming the behaviour gives the person causing harm the opportunity to identify their behaviours and correct themselves. Avoid using labels or sarcasm, or articulating your assumptions about their motives. For example, you could say, “don’t tell people which bathroom fits their gender identity; it can create harm. This person deserves a safe place to use the bathroom based on their identity and comfort.”

"I" Statements

Starting sentences with "you" can sometimes be interpreted as judgmental regardless of intentions and may make the person causing harm defensive. "l' statements can be used to voice your feelings and wishes without expressing judgment.

"We" Statements

Turn yourself and the person causing harm into a "we" to foster a sense of unity. When you create a "we," the person causing harm is less likely to direct their anger towards you. For example, you could say “we both want everyone to feel safe going to the bathroom – right?”

Interrupting

Interrupting either the person causing harm or the situation. For example, “I am sorry to interrupt but what is going on here isn’t okay with me.”

Assertive Ignoring

Sometimes, ignoring can be a proactive decision. By choosing not to engage (i.e., not making eye contact or speaking and turning your body away), you are de-escalating a situation. You can also choose to speak only with the person experiencing harm, asking them what they need and if they are okay.

Match and Wind Down

To avoid giving the immediate impression that you are trying to calm or quiet the person causing harm, you might choose to match the vocal intensity and tone of the person causing harm. Then, you can slowly lower your intensity gradually. You can do so by speaking in an increasingly calmer tone and ensuring that your breathing is regulated. The person causing harm may unconsciously mimic your response.

Adapted from Centre for Anti-Violence Education The Five ‘Ds’ of Bystander Intervention and Hollaback’s 5D’s.