Safer partying and play: Consent and substance use

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In a consent culture, we should all be able to choose to go to big parties and get drunk or high without fearing or experiencing sexual violence. However, we live in a rape culture, where sexual violence is often normalized and left unaddressed.

Legally, in Canada, you cannot consent when you are intoxicated. With this in mind, we all know these acts are happening, so it’s also important to talk about the ways we can reduce the possible harms when we mix sex and substances.

If we want to create safer communities and cultures free of sexual violence, we need to practice building a culture of consent. We can begin this practice by reflecting on what consent should actually look like and feel like, and develop strategies for intervening when we see behaviours that uphold rape culture.

We think its important to take opportunities to think about substance use and sex without judgement. We all need to thinking about the laws around sex and intoxication, ways to plan ahead for a night out where substance use and sex might mix, navigating tricky “in-the-moment” situations, and watching out for the wellbeing of your peers. It’s all about making sure everyone involved has the best night out possible.

Even if you are sober, this kind of information may enable you to be supportive and caring towards your peers in tough moments.

Plan Ahead

We suggest you start by asking these questions to yourself:

  • Are you planning on using within a certain limit where you think you could still genuinely consent? Remember that drug and alcohol strength can vary depending on what you’re using, how you’ve prepared (i.e. eaten a meal before consuming), and a slew of other factors, sometimes creating unanticipated effects.
  • Can you set boundaries with a potential hook-up ahead of time? You can’t consent in advance, but you could have a conversation with a potential hook-up to set out broad boundaries. For example: “hey, I’m planning on getting pretty lit tonight. I want to party and have a good time. I’m up for making out on the dance floor but I don’t think we should have sex tonight.”
  • Can you set an agreement with yourself or some signs with your friends or date that it’s time to change plans? Say you end up more intoxicated than you anticipated – what are some cues that will tell you any sexy stuff is off the table until you sober up? Are there signs your friends should be aware of, to remind you about in the moment, that indicate you shouldn't be hooking up with someone?

Hooking Up While Using

You planned ahead, you drank or did drugs and now you’re thinking of hooking up with someone. We’d suggest asking yourself these questions:

  • Are you and your potential hook-up at a similar level of intoxication? -Check in with them if you aren’t sure. Some cues that you should never ignore could look like slurring speech, any stumbling when walking, seeming out of it, or becoming sick. These are sure signs that someone is much too far gone to consent!
  • Are you alert enough to read body language and non-verbal communication on the other person?
  • Would this hook-up be more fun another more sober time? Can you use the inhibition of intoxication to let them know you seriously dig them and hope to hook-up soon, instead?
  • Do you feel connected with your body and your boundaries?

Use these questions to guide your decision-making around going ahead with sexual activity while intoxicated. One person being more intoxicated than another is a sure sign to stop.

Feeling unable to read and interpret non-verbal communication is another big cue to hold off.

Try to assess if you think you will have a good time and feel positively about the experience. Sometimes the answer will be hell ya! Otherwise you might choose to hold off. You could always ask for their phone and text yourself so you have each other's numbers and can hook up at a more sober time in the future.

Look Out for Harmful Behaviour

If you are at an event with people who are intoxicated, it’s on all of us to look out for harmful behaviour and step in if we see it. It should very much be "your business" to intervene if you see something sketchy going down.

Learn more about how you can be an active bystander.