Bystander Guide
We are in community together at Laurier and should be working to keep each other safe. This includes being an engaged bystander when we see something harmful happening.
An engaged bystander is able to recognize an event is occurring which may need intervention and intervenes in a helpful way.
Recognizing When We Need to Intervene
Given that there is such normalization of violence, some people can witness a situation and have a hard time discerning if what they are seeing is inappropriate or harmful. To help you identify if what you are seeing is wrong you can:
- ‘Listen to your gut’ or notice if what you are watching is making you feel uncomfortable and ask yourself why. Does it seem like something harmful is happening or is about to?
- Assess the power dynamics at play.
- Assess outcomes: if you don’t intervene what could happen?
Often, the warning signs of gendered and sexual violence (GSV) may be difficult to notice. Here are some red flags to alert you that something is wrong and there is GSV occuring or the risk of it:
- Someone is making a joke about sexual assault or other form of violence.
- Someone is talking in a hateful way about a certain group or making blanket statements about someone's gender, race or other marginalized identity.
- Someone is talking as if sex is owed to them or an implicit right based on their relationship (ie. my wife owes me sex because she is my wife).
- A person is using their body position to restrict someone’s movement or make them feel powerless.
- You are seeing that either individual is very intoxicated or that there is a difference in intoxication levels between two people.
The 5 D’s of Bystander Intervention
When you notice gendered and sexual violence, or other forms of harm or violence, occurring, it’s normal to feel panicked or frozen when responding in the moment. If you are feeling stuck around how to be an active bystander in the moment, the 5 D’s of Bystander Intervention can be a helpful resource:
Directly Intervening
Directly intervene in a situation. Speak up about the harm. Be firm and clear.
- Call-out what you are seeing: “That isn’t cool.” “Stop that.”
- Physically shift the dynamic by bringing people together around the person being targeted.
Delegate
Get help from someone else. Scan the situation to assess risk and determine how to best intervene. Then, delegate tasks to others around you.
- Suggest that someone support the person experiencing harm (e.g., assist in leaving the situation), while you try to de-escalate the situation and person causing harm.
- If it isn’t safe to intervene directly can you notify venue staff, your friends, or campus security. Try to stick around to make sure there is follow-through.
Delay
After the incident is over, check in with the person who was harmed. This is essential because it shows the individual that they are valued.
- Stick around and once it’s safe, let the impacted person know about options for reporting as well as supports and resources. You can also ask if they need anything or offer to walk them to a safer place.
Distract
Take an indirect approach to de-escalating the situation. Find strategies to indirectly shift the dynamic of the situation without directly intervening.
- You can ask the person being targeted if they want to go outside or participate in another activity to change the dynamic or give the person enough time to remove themselves from the potentially bad situation.
- Interrupt the situation by distracting the perpetrator by engaging them in conversation so that the potential victim has the opportunity to leave.
Document
If someone is already intervening and you believe the person causing harm behaviour is escalated, you can document the situation.
- Document the interaction by recording on your phone, taking a photo of the individual causing harm, or writing notes. Afterwards, ask the person who experienced harm what they would like to do with the documentation. Let them know that there are staff at Laurier who offer support and safety planning.
- Never post or share a video without the consent of the person being harmed. Putting a video (or even a picture) online can expose the person who was harmed to harassment, doxing (i.e. posting personal information online), or other continued harm – this is especially true among marginalized genders. Posting may also trigger the involvement of law enforcement or institutional processes even when the person harmed doesn't want that.
- These days people are very inclined to document via video when they see harm. But it is more important to intervene, de-escalate and ensure safety. Documation is a step to take if someone else is already intervening.
Verbal De-escalation Strategies
Sometimes these types of situations may be quite escalated or become so, and the person causing the harm might be or begin yelling or become physically aggressive. Try to remain calm and manage your own response when you witness someone escalating.
These strategies can help to de-escalate or prevent further escalation from the person causing harm.
- Approach from the side: Do not approach an escalated person from behind, or get directly in their face, as this may further escalate the situation. Stand to the side and leave space between you.
- Saying "Stop": You always have the right to say "stop," or "that is not okay." You could say, “I need you to stop speaking to them like that” or “the way you are speaking is making me uncomfortable/does not feel okay for me.”
- Broken record: Repeating the same statement until the person causing harm corrects their behaviour or exits the situation. For example, “your behaviour is reinforcing sexual violence and I need you to stop.”
- Naming the behaviour: Address the specific behaviour that is harmful. Often, in the moment, a person causing harm might not be aware of how they are acting. Naming the behaviour gives the person causing harm the opportunity to identify their behaviours and correct themselves. Avoid using labels or sarcasm, or articulating your assumptions about their motives.
- "I" statements: Starting sentences with "you" can sometimes be interpreted as judgmental regardless of intentions and may make the person causing harm defensive. "l' statements can be used to voice your feelings and wishes without expressing judgement.
- "We" statements: Turn yourself and the person causing harm into a "we" to foster a sense of unity. When you create a "we," the person causing harm is less likely to direct their anger towards you. For example, you could say “we both want everyone to feel safe – right?”
- Interrupting: Interrupting either the person causing harm or the situation. For example, “I am sorry to interrupt but what is going on here isn’t okay with me.”
- Assertive ignoring: Sometimes, ignoring can be a proactive decision. By choosing not to engage (i.e., not making eye contact or speaking and turning your body away), you are de-escalating a situation. You can also choose to speak only with the person experiencing harm, asking them what they need and if they are okay.
- Match and wind down: To avoid giving the immediate impression that you are trying to calm or quiet the person causing harm, you might choose to match the vocal intensity and tone of the person causing harm. Then, you can slowly lower your intensity gradually. You can do so by speaking in an increasingly calmer tone and ensuring that your breathing is regulated. The person causing harm may unconsciously mimic your response.