Give Support

Received a Disclosure of Sexual Violence?

R. Recognize you are receiving a disclosure.

Begin by listening to the survivor. Recognize not everyone will use the same language to describe what happened to them. Be mindful to let them lead the conversation and not ask for details of their experience. If your position requires, let them know about any mandatory reports before they proceed.

Try... " Before you continue, I want to be transparent. Because I am ____, my job requires me to fill out a report about what you are telling me. Do you want to hear a bit more about that looks like before we continue?"

E. Empathize with what you are hearing.

 Empathy goes a long way. Say things like "It sounds like this has been incredibly hard for you." and "I believe you." Remind them that no matter what happened, it’s not their fault. Create a plan for checking in / following up. Ask "how can I support you going forward?" Recognize that disclosing can be traumatic but avoid making assumptions about what they are feeling.

Use "because" statements. For example "I can see why you feel scared to tell someone, because last time you did you weren't supported."

A. Appreciate the strength it took to disclose, and the ways they have survived so far.

All survival strategies are valid. Even if it's different from how you chose to cope.

D. Direct them to resources with their consent.

With their consent, direct them to some supports and resources that may be useful. Be prepared - knowing what is available and the best ways to offer those referrals. This can sound like ..."I really appreciate you telling me all of this. How can I support you? I do know a few resources I could tell you about if you feel comfortable."

Y. You matter!

Take care of you and your needs. Engage in community and self care. Hearing a disclosure of sexual violence may be difficult for you. Support is available for you as well.

Things Not to Do…

✘ Never minimize, question or deny their experience.

✘ Do not ask for details of the experience; do not document details of what you are told.

✘ Do not make promises you cannot keep; let the survivor know you will help them if they want but do not guarantee certain outcomes.

✘ Do not touch them without their consent.

✘ Do not make decisions for the survivor. You’re not living the experience of the survivor.

✘ Do not say you understand what the survivor is going through; validate thoughts and feelings by saying things like “many survivors feel that way” or “it’s common to think like that.”

✘ Do not think you’re going to ‘save the day’ or solve the survivor’s problems in a short time.